when i was 5

When I was 5... 

I envision that I will be 23- marry with a husband and a house- the whole package. 

Obviously- its not happening. As I get older, the 23 year old benchmark changes. The little girl's dream changes from dream to realistic goals. 

Till now. I am a dream killer and a person who is not really completing her own goals. 

There are times I dream that I can be like beautiful actresses in movies, just living the life. Instead, I will be the background person that walks by- like many in my past and will be in my future. 

But that dream is a dream that I don't want to have now. I think I quite enjoy being the bystander in a glamourous life. Simple life is the goal. I am quite happy and content with what I have and want. True there are times that I die to have that 600 dollar Alexander Wang dress. There are also times that 7000 dollar Chanel signature bag is calling me. But at the end, I am who I am. 

I will be happy with a 700 dollar burberry bag and a 60 dollar dress from Club Monaco. 

But anyway, it hit me like a train that i am a woman in her 20's. pushing to the mid 20's. Kinda crazy and weird. and BIZARRE. Cause when I was 14, I thought I will be dead by 16, 18, 20. I am still alive. Kinda weird eh? 

I am usually not mean. 

I am usually only mean at these situation: 

1. i am having a bad day

2. i am talking to someone that i can't stand

3. when i have to explain something over and over again 

those are pretty much the only times i get annoyed. i tend to only be mean to people when my annoyance starts growing. i can't really help it. 

there are some people that tend to trigger my annoyance every time i see them. i also believe that the people you hang around with... will become who you are. so for example.. if you and i used to be good friends.. but your roommate is someone annoying... you might pick up habits from them and become an annoying person too!! 

talking about getting mad.. lets talk about hate. 

I don't hate anyone. well.. i do. i hate 1 type of person. a type of person that thinks that likes to put down others to boost their egos. oh another type. the ones that goes off and tell the whole world about what i wrote about my blog. 

my blog is the only place i can say/write whatever i want without any restriction. i don't mind having a discussion about what i wrote here in real life.. but spreading it around and passing it around for others to see... will definitely put you on MY hit list. i treat my blog as my own room, where i can say whatever in whichever method i want. SO if you know i dont like you, maybe you shouldn't tell the whole world about what i write. now don't be an annoying person for me to hate and be mean to you. 

if you think i am hinting about someone again.. maybe i am this time. go back and tell the person like last time. but this time.. you wont be a fool because i really mean it. 

this is it. i made the decision. i am happy.