so what have i been doing with my life?

i had move to a different side of the world to start my grown up life

started my life as a masters student

found my first real full time job...

got my first real cheque book that i been paying stuff with

going to be a god mother in 5 months

been supporting germany for the world cup

drove my friend's porshe 911

got a blackberry and became veryyyy addicted

thats the quickest sum up i can think of! =P

JUNE 30th!!!

JUNE 30th!!!!

i am doing the interview for the job i dreamed about since foreverrrrrr!!!!

but now

its time to study for that interview

confuse as ever

I am confuse.

REAL CONFUSE.

Why?

I will tell you exactly why.

Unlike the normal family, my dad is always the sensitive one and my mom is always the logical one. I, of course, follow in my mom's footsteps to being more the logical type. (or so thats what I think)

My mom came back from driving Charlie to art lessons and she was sharing about this recent wedding she went to. She was sharing how she was touch by the groom's speech and how he doesn't know any Chinese but he used pinyin to write all his words... and how he cried during his thank you speech...

(hint: my mother is the type of person who doesn't get excited when there's a birth... cause she knows the baby will die! seriously these words came out from her mouth before!) and she is also the one that took 1 day off for her father's funeral. plainly spoken.. she is not the type to be TOUCH BY ANYTHING!

I was sitting there and I was kinda like.. uhh.. whats the big deal? a lot of CBC does it now. and its not like the groom is a white guy who speaks like NO CHINESE.

she starts going off about how she's been touch by what the guy did...

I just sat there with my eyes popping because my mother for 23 years in front of me... telling me she's been touch? that neverrr happens to my family. like NEVER! well probably from my dad.. but neverr with my mom.

My mom was the one that told me that big kids don't cry in public places. The one that told me that to succeed and not be patronize by men is to be stronger than them. and yet.. she's sitting there getting upset because i told her i wasn't touch and the reality that a lot of grooms do cry at their own weddings and write pinyin on their speech.

yahhh.. mothers are weird. she has been totally frying all the rules of life she ever taught me.

what am i suppose to do now? with an emotional father AND mother...

good thing i am leaving soon.. *sigh*

on vacation to visit hali-baba

I am moving back.

Moving back to the land that I was from. I might be back a lot sooner. I might not be for I am a free soul that no one takes charge of.

The moment I bought my plane ticket online, I felt that my life is going to change. For all I know is that the moment I step on the plane, my childhood/ innocent life is over. It will be welcome to adult life. The life that will endure full time work and a part time masters program. I am leaving my comfort zone. Some are saying why do you want to leave home? Home is too comfortable for me. I am not motivated to do anything right now. I know under my parent's eyes, I can never be me.

I had a very good conversation with a friend. The friend and I both agreed that talking about future scared the crap out of us. We have to take charge of our lives now.

Since as far as my memory can go back to, the ideology of university has been drilled into my head. "YOU MUST GO TO UNIVERSITY IF YOU WANT A FUTURE" I grew up listening to my parents stories about their university experience. For me, there was no way out. I knew I have to be one of them to embark on one of the last final stretch of my academia life.

But what truly goes after the door of acceptance? One of the reasons why I can say I enjoy university was because for once there was no expectations laid on me. I got into a good school and I manage good grades.

Now that the walk in the "university room" is over. Where am I suppose to go? My parents expectations and ideologies stopped the day I moved out of their house and moved into my first "own" place in university. Most dreams stops at the door. For 4+ years, its about soul searching and finding your own definition in life.

Now I must do my own map writing and find out what the next room of my life will be.

have i mention i been through a emotion upstream lately? 

being sick...

one thing i love being sick is that... 

i get to stay in bed all day long and watch tv and don't feel bad about it! :P 

but i do want to get better faster... so i can do more work... 

but honesty... i think i get sick when i am stress... so have i been stress lately?